Category: Valium

Trying To Manage Anxiety

Trying To Manage Anxiety

My anxiety seems to be getting a little worse lately. I’ve been using more Valium than I normally do. I’m fearful of anything new, anything that I don’t know. For example, I haven’t gotten my hair cut in over a year because I don’t remember where I used to go. Anywhere I go would be new. Having someone behind me terrifies me no matter what they’re doing. I live close to a high school and an elementary school. At the end of the school day, there are always a few teenagers waiting for their rides by my front lawn. When that happens, I can’t go outside to get to my car. No matter what my plans are, I have to wait because I’m too afraid and anxious.

Crowds are a problem because people are all around and behind you. My husband makes it possible for me to do some things such as go to hockey games. I never lose sight of him, he stands behind me in lines so I feel safe, and holds my hand through the crowds. We have a system that works for us in any crowded situation, and he is wonderful about helping me. I’ve been pushing myself to do more such as going to a support group and going to stores I’ve never been to before. I just have to be careful not to overdo things.

I’m Anti-Halloween

I’m Anti-Halloween

Am I the only person that doesn’t like Halloween? It feels like I’m the only one. Halloween parties are full of people trying to sneak up on you and scare you; I hate that. People are dressed in costumes and you don’t always know who is who. There is candy and junk food everywhere, which is normally hard enough, this juicing fast makes that almost impossible to get through.

My husband and I were invited to a Halloween party. He wants to go, but I don’t. I feel like he was disappointed when I said I didn’t want to go. He tried talking me into it. I’ll probably end up going and taking lots of Valium. I don’t see myself going to a party and enjoying myself.

If there are others out there that don’t like Halloween, please let me know and tell me what you do on Halloween night.

The State Fair

The State Fair

I went to the Arizona State Fair early this afternoon for a couple of hours. It did cause a lot of anxiety because there were so many people there, but taking Valium and being with my husband helped me a lot. We walked through some of the shopping areas, we had some fry bread, we went on a couple of rides, and we even got our faces painted (for the game tonight). It was difficult because people were walking all over the place. No one was paying attention to where they were walking or what they were doing. But my husband held my hand through it all.

I did my best to have a good time at the State Fair despite my fears and anxiety. It probably helped that we only stayed there for about 2 hours. When it felt like I had enough, I listened to myself, and we called it a day at the fair. Now, I have a couple of hours to rest before we go to the Arizona Coyotes home opener.

Vacation Ending

Vacation Ending

It’s my last day of vacation, and I’m not sure if I’m ready to go home. There’s so much stress at home. Bills to figure out, a house to clean and organize (it’s probably a wreck since I’ve been gone over a week), errands to run, doctor appointments to go to, and so much more. Plus, I don’t want to go back to the horrible summer heat in Phoenix. I don’t want to deal with any of that, but I don’t really have a choice. Most of the time, by the end of vacation, I’m ready to get back home. Not this time. I wish I could stay here, just me and my mom, a while longer.

This vacation was great. I went out every day, and I even slept every night. I didn’t even take Valium every day. I’m really proud of myself for that. Cape Cod is extremely busy this time of year; people are everywhere. It was difficult, but I managed to go a few days without it. I only want to take it if absolutely necessary. I worry that it could become a problem if I take it too much. I have a history of addiction, so I don’t want to risk anything. I’m going to go enjoy my last day

Mid-Flight Travels

Mid-Flight Travels

While I am writing this mid-flight, I won’t be able to post it until the next day. I’m almost halfway through my flight, and my anxiety is starting to rise. I took a Valium before I boarded the plane because I have a middle seat. I hate sitting in the middle, I feel so crowded and confined. Every time I move, I touch one person or another. After eating something, I tried sleeping. I fell asleep, and I thought I slept a while, but when I woke up, only 15 minutes had passed. For some reason, if I fall asleep after taking Valium, it wears off when I wake up, no matter how short or long the duration of my rest is. I’m curious if that happens to anyone else. If that does happen to you, please tell me so I know I’m not alone.

The Valium has worn off and there’s still 2 ½ hours left on the flight. I tried playing Sudoku for a little while, but I can’t concentrate because I keep accidentally bumping into other people that I don’t know. So I thought I would take out my computer and do a little writing. I need to do something, anything, to occupy my mind. I’m trying so hard to stay relaxed and keep my anxiety down. I’m saying positive phrases in my head. You can do this; you’re already half-way there. However, this is not helping. My mind just keeps freaking out every few minutes. I’m holding it all in. By the way, I’m not afraid of flying. The problem is being surrounded by strangers and crowed; every time I move, I touch someone. It might be time to take another Valium. It has been about 4 hours since my last dose, and I felt the effects of that dose wear off already.

I normally don’t take my Valium as often as I’m allowed to. I can take 10mg twice a day; however, most days I don’t take any. A one month supply usually lasts me anywhere from 2 to 4 months. I take it when necessary, like when I leave my house. I don’t go out very often except to run errands.

I’m able to calm myself a little bit while I wait for the meds to kick in. I control my breathing, which allows me to lower my heart rate. I look out the window and see the beautiful clouds. I think about being with my family later tonight. All of these things help me stay calm. A couple years ago, I never would have thought that I could get myself through an anxiety attack without freaking out all of the people around me. I can recognize the fact that my anxiety is up and do a few things, as written above, to help me get through. And the best part is that no one around me has to know what’s going on, so I don’t feel pathetic. I recognize the progress.

After my flight, I had to take a 2 hour bus ride to get where I want to go. The bus was silent and simple. Stepping down off the bus, I see my mom standing there with both my nieces and my nephew. It was after midnight, and they all stayed up to greet me as I arrived. They made me feel special. The hassle of traveling is definitely worth it.

Traveling All Day

I’m at the airport and already through security. For some reason, I have a middle seat. Oh well, I have medication if I need it. That’s what Valium is for. I’m nervous, but I keep telling myself I can do this. I’m keeping my anxiety low so far. I have a 5 hour flight and a 2 hour bus ride right after. It will all be worth it when I’m with my family.

Fireworks Fear

Fireworks Fear

The 4th of July is coming, and that means fireworks. I’m not a fan of fireworks because of the noises they make. In my neighborhood, people started setting off fireworks last night. They will do so every night and they will do more and more each night. They even set them off during the day. I’m not trying to be un-American; I’m just saying that fireworks scare me. Loud noises that come out from nowhere and happen over and over again terrify me. It’s a PTSD trigger.

My dog normally barks at fireworks and never stops barking, but last year I got him a ‘ThunderShirt’. The shirt is like a giant hug and is meant to help keep dogs calm. It works like magic. My dog may bark once, but then he goes and lays down. At least I don’t have to deal with my dog barking nonstop all night long from the fireworks.

The fireworks started last night. One really loud one went off, and I thought it was a gunshot. It’s not uncommon to hear gunshots in my neighborhood at night. My dog barked once and then went to bed. I wouldn’t mind the fireworks if they only happened one night, on the 4th of July. But instead, it’s at least 4 or 5 days of fireworks and loud noises.

I do my best to manage my fears. It scares me a little less since I already know that the fireworks are coming. I can prepare myself for them. Some nights, like on July 4th, I will take a Valium, which will allow me to actually enjoy the fireworks and celebration. Do other people have this same fear and problem?

Anxiety and Bills

Anxiety and Bills

I just got back from working out with my husband, so my anxiety is already increased. I checked the mail and found some of my husband’s medical bills. I’ve been dealing with their billing department for months now because they messed up the bill by billing the wrong insurance company several months ago. Now, it’s all figured out. I did verify that the bills are correct at this point. However, I’m not happy because it’s a huge bill. On Monday, I’m going to have to call the billing department and set up a payment schedule. It’s all extremely stressful and nervewracking. I think I might go take a Valium to help me get through the day.

I like to stay on top of my bills, but I couldn’t do that with this because the billing department screwed up to begin with. At least this huge bill will mean that my husband has met his deductible, so as long as we stay in network, which we will, there will be no more bills. I’m hoping the billing department will accept a payment plan. Otherwise, we can’t pay it. I’m sure they will, most people don’t have the capabilities to pay such large bills all at once.

Right now, I just have to work on reducing my anxiety. The gym and the bills have made my anxiety pretty high. I wish I could lower it myself, but I still have to run some errands, which makes me nervous. I don’t take my Valium often. A one month’s supply generally lasts me about three months. I suppose it’s time to get ready to go run errands. Hopefully, it will work out without an anxiety attack.

Anxiety At The Gym

Anxiety At The Gym

My husband and I just finished working out at the gym. Thank goodness it wasn’t very busy, but my anxiety was still pretty high. My anxiety tends to sky-rocket every time I see someone, walk by someone, or see someone looking my way. So basically, that means my anxiety is high the entire time I’m there. My husband stays by me the whole time to help me feel a little more secure, but it doesn’t completely remove my anxiety. I can’t imagine how anxious I would be without having my husband there by my side. In fact, I don’t think I would even be able to go if I wasn’t with him.

Even when the gym is slow, like it was today, there are still more people to keep track of than possible. Knowing everything that’s going on around me is one of the things that helps reduce my anxiety. I start to panic when I can’t see everything that’s happening and everyone that’s around me. My husband is there to help keep me safe and as a second pair of eyes, but no one can see everything that’s happening in a gym at one time. I become very nervous, scared, and paranoid in public places. I wish I could get rid of all of this anxiety. It’s exhausting. I have Valium that helps, but I don’t want to take one every time we go to the gym. I guess I just have to suck it up and deal with it, although that doesn’t sound like something I want to do or can do. I’m sure it will get better over time; I just have to be patient.

 

Anxiety Symptoms – Problems Breathing

Anxiety Symptoms – Problems Breathing

I have anxiety attacks on a daily basis. Sometimes I know what causes them, other times I don’t. It’s not even actual events that always cause my anxiety attacks; sometimes my thinking can cause them to occur. My anxiety symptoms differ depending on the severity of the anxiety attack. Some of my symptoms include heart palpitations, shaking, chest pain, extreme fear, inability to speak normally, hot flashes, severe shortness of breath, dizziness, rocking back and forth, confusion and crying.

The severe shortness of breath is probably one of the worst anxiety symptoms I have to manage. All of the sudden, it feels as if I can’t breathe, like somehow my lungs are collapsing. It feels like it’s happening to both of my lungs at the same time; it seems as if the top portions of my lungs are collapsing. I try to take in a deep breath, but I can’t. I try over and over again with no luck. Then it gets worse; I can’t breathe if there is air blowing in my face. I have to turn off all of the fans and I need to sit completely still. I don’t know why I have to do these things, but I do know that they help me breathe. Sometimes my inhalers help, other times it does nothing for me. Then suddenly, I’m able to yawn, allowing me to take in a full breath of air. Finally, I feel okay again; however, it only lasts a couple of minutes until it starts all over from the beginning.

The Valium I take can help every other anxiety or panic symptom that I have, but it doesn’t help my breathing problems. This has been happening for years. I’m tired of it all, but all I can do is attempt to manage the symptoms. Does anyone else have breathing problems like I described when it comes to their anxiety? If so, I would like to hear how you manage