List For My Doctor

I made a list of the things that I need to talk to my psychiatrist about at my appointment with him next week.

Racing thoughts
Stomach problems
Suicidal ideations
I’m no longer sleeping all day long
Greatly increased anxiety, causing breathing issues
My feet hurt in the morning, not sure if it’s a side effect
Twitching is happening more often and in more than just my hands
Having a harder time getting tasks done, possibly a lack of motivation

I know I’m forgetting some things, but this is a descent start to making a list. I know that if I don’t write it down, I won’t remember to bring it up in the appointment. Most of these have easy solutions, so I’m not too worried at the moment.

Living In The Moment

Yesterday I worked out again, which makes that two days in a row. I probably won’t be able to workout again today because my brother-in-law is coming over. My goal is to work out anywhere from 3 to 5 days a week. I think that’s possible. I don’t want to set the bar too high in the beginning and feel as if it’s unattainable, so I’m starting out easy. I’m trying to live in the moment, which is a lot easier for me to do. Normally, I plan way ahead and then I can’t reach the unrealistic goal I set.

My brother-in-law comes over so my husband and him can play games on the PlayStation, which is great because it’s important for my husband and his brother to spend time together. The only thing I don’t like about that, is that they get very loud and yell back at the game. I know that pretty much anyone who plays the games they play also yell. The yelling just bothers me, so I go in the bedroom and turn the TV up loud. It’s a simple solution.

I Worked Out!

Yesterday, I said that since I didn’t have much to do, I would possibly do some Zumba and/or clean the house. I didn’t do all of these things, but I did do one of them. I did a Zumba workout video! That was probably the best thing that I could have done for myself. I need to get back into a routine of working out regularly. It felt great when I finished the video, but after it was done, I had no energy left to clean the house (the house was already pretty clean anyway). I also contacted a few family members that I don’t talk to all of the time. It was nice to chat with them. I can’t wait see all of them when I go home at the end of this month.

Adult Coloring Books

Earlier this year, my mom gave me the coolest gift, an adult coloring book. She thought it would help with my anxiety, and she was right. She knows how perfect I like everything to look and she thought that this would be the perfect way for me to do that. Coloring allows me focus on one thing and gives my mind a break. I love it! I haven’t been able to color in a several months due to an injured arm/wrist, but I can do it again.

When I’m coloring, I lose track of time. Nothing else seems to matter. The only thing that I’m thinking of and concentrating on is the coloring. I plan on doing more coloring. It works just as good as Valium. When I’m home and having an anxiety attack, I will color. I will only use Valium when I’m not home and not able to color.

Not Much To Do

I don’t have a lot to do today. My to-do list is very short, just a couple of activities and that’s all. I don’t like having a short to-do list, it makes me feel lazy. Maybe I should clean the house as well. Maybe I could do a Zumba workout. Both of those things sound good to me and would take about 5 hours to complete. It would also make my to-do list a lot longer. When I clean, I write each individual task on my list. It makes me feel more productive.

I could also work on choosing a new Medicare plan, but that is every confusing. I probably need help with that over the phone or in person, which doesn’t work well for Sundays. I will do all the research I can and write down all of my questions so I’m prepared when I talk to someone who can help me.

All Finished… Now What

I’ve finished everything that was on my to-do list for today. I finished early and I don’t really know what to do with myself. I’m hungry of course. It’s not because I’m actually hungry, it’s because I don’t have much to do. I still have things that need to get done, it’s just not necessary to do them today. These things involve too much thinking, and I’m not mentally up to all of that.

The better plan is to stretch out, which will help my body feel a little better. Right now, my muscles hurt while I’m sitting still. Maybe I should take the dog for a walk later this evening. I need to start working out again with Zumba, that and walking the dog usually helps me feel better physically.

Long-Term Side Effects

I have been taking medication for a long time at this point in my life; it’s been more than 17 years. Every now and then, depending on what medication I’m taking, I will have to deal with some side effects. Some of those side effects cause side effects of their own. It’s a very difficult and complicated issue that appears to have no end.

Right now, a couple of my medications are causing myoclonic twitches, and the twitches have been getting worse over the last few months. I’m still wondering exactly which medications are causing the twitching and I’m curious as to whether or no the twitching will continue to get worse or if it will continue to go away. I wonder the same thing with my nausea and heart burn; will it improve or get worse. What other side effects will I experience since I’m on long-term mental health medications? Are there some precautions I should be taking?

Coping with Anxiety

Since I’ve been having an increase in the amount of anxiety attacks I’ve been having, I figured I would write about my coping skills and how I get through each episode. My anxiety toolbox includes:

Cleaning/organizing my house
Count my breathing
Calling/texting an understanding friend/family member
Coloring in an adult coloring book
Listen to comedy that makes you laugh
Listen to calming music, possibly from your childhood
Taking Valium as prescribed
Workout

These techniques are the main tools that I use when I’m having an anxiety attack. I do my best to take care of the anxiety without taking Valium, but I do take it if necessary. Many of the anxiety solutions are just a distraction from the reason for your anxiety attack. These distractions simply give your mind a break so you can calm down. Most of the time, all I need is a moment and a little bit of help to calm down.

Trick-Or-Treating with my Granddaughter

I did more than I thought I would do last night. My plans were just to go to my mother-in-law’s house and see the kids in their costumes. However, I saw them in their costumes and then walked around a couple of blocks with them as they went trick-or-treating. It was so adorable to see the kids enjoying themselves. Once there got to be more people and more lights, I decided that I had enough. I said my goodbyes to everyone and walked back to my car.

On my drive home, I drove by the church that the kids were headed to, and it was packed. There were probably about 500-800 people there. I’m very happy that I left when I did. I was already having anxiety before seeing that large group of people, and I had already taken Valium.

It’s important for me to go outside my comfort zone and try new and/or different things, especially when they are family events. Lately, I’m having to take Valium to do most things out of the house, whether they’re family or not. I think that when I make commitments, they should be small ones. Then, if I’m feeling up to it, I can do more than I agreed to do, but if I’m not feeling okay, I can just do the small part I committed to and be comfortable when I’m ready to leave.

I Want To Empower Myself

I’ve thought about taking some form of martial arts or self-defense class for the past couple months. I think it may make me feel a little safer in my life. It used to make me feel safe when I studied martial arts 12 years ago. It would also help me get in shape and be healthy. The only problem is that I’m too scared to do it on my own. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I’ll probably think about it for approximately 3 months before doing something. I just want to feel empowered, I want to feel like I can take care of myself. I don’t want to be terrified for my life every time someone knocks on the door. I want to know that I can take my dog for a walk by myself and not feel threatened by others around me. I’m not sure if this will ever happen, but at least I know I’m thinking about it, which is the first step in the process.

My Side of the Pole

Bipolar – Mental Health

Tag: Activities