A Good Psych Appointment

My psychiatrist appointment yesterday went really well. First of all, I love the fact that he is always on time, he never runs late. The only medication change is an increase in Cytomel, my thyroid medication, because my thyroid level is off in my last blood work. Other than that, my suicidal ideations are about the same, my anxiety is worse, and my depression is improving slightly. He also said that my twitching that happens because of the Lithium should not be getting any worse and is not a permanent side effect. That’s not that bad. I go back to see him in three months, unless I decide to retry ECT, which is not something I want to do at this point.

Psychiatrist Appointment Later Today

I have an appointment with my psychiatrist later today. I’m all ready for it; I have my list of things I want to talk to him already in my purse so I don’t forget it. Now, all I have to do is get through the appointment. I always wonder what he thinks of me. Does he think I’m ridiculous because there’s nothing that can help me regularly? Probably not; he is the one that diagnosed me as bipolar 1, rapid cycling and treatment resistant. I probably think I’m ridiculous more than other people do. I think those type of things about myself more than other people do. Well, here’s to hoping the appointment goes well. I’ll let you know how it goes.

Regular Workouts

Just like everything else in my life, things only work for me if I do it on a regular basis. I need patterns to get things done. For example, I get up and do the same activities every morning. I run errands around the same time every day. I keep my doctor appointments around the same time. The same is true for working out.

I started a workout routine last week. I workout at least 3 days a week. Eventually, I want to get to 5 days a week. I try to start my workout, usually Zumba videos, shortly after my husband goes to work. I also go to the gym once or twice a week with my husband. I have to make sure that this becomes a regular activity, otherwise the workouts will not stick. I have to find some way to workout while I’m traveling. Even if it’s as simple as taking a walk.

Bipolar and Seasonal Disorder

The sun sets so early now. At 5:30pm, the sunset begins. The days are getting shorter and shorter. It makes me feel as if I don’t want to do much of anything; I would rather sit around and fall asleep on the couch than do anything else. Activities are more difficult now.

Some people who are diagnosed with bipolar disorder also struggle with seasonal affective disorder or seasonal pattern. Basically, this happens during the winter when there is less light (the sunsets much earlier) and the weather changes. Individuals are more likely to go through depressive episodes during the winter.

Finding Warmer Clothes

It feels as if all I do is eat, sleep, blog, and go to doctor appointments. At least I have a vacation coming up. So the next couple weeks, I’ll add in packing to my list of crap that has to get done. Of course, since I’m going back east and I’ve gained some weight, making me more self-conscious than normal, I probably need to find some new, warmer clothes.

I went through my closet today to find some winter clothes, and it didn’t go as bad as I thought. I found five sweaters and one long-sleeved shirt that fit, which is more than I thought I would find. Over the next two weeks, I’m going to go shopping to find some more long-sleeved shirts. I generally don’t like to go shopping because I hate trying things on that are too small, but I go when I have to. To possibly avoid clothes being too small, I pick things out that are a size bigger than I think I am; that usually works out well for me.

Thanksgiving Is Coming

I just realized that Thanksgiving is right around the corner! It’s next Thursday, November 24th. I don’t even know where I will be spending the holiday this year. My husband’s family take turn hosting holidays, thank goodness my house is too small to host a big holiday like that. I’m going to miss being at my aunt’s house for Thanksgiving. I always loved it so much; it was the perfect amount of love, laughter, family, and nuttiness. I know all of that will be at Thanksgiving at my in-law’s house, but it won’t be the same as what I grew up with.

It’s time that I start preparing for the holiday. I need to find out where it is and who might be coming. I just want to know how big the holiday celebration will be. I want to prepare myself as much as possible so I can have a good time at Thanksgiving dinner. The more I know, the more comfortable I may feel.

Changing Weather

It’s November and the weather is finally cool enough that I can take out some long-sleeved shirts and sweaters (I live in Peoria, AZ, right by Phoenix). The high temperature is around 85 degrees and the low is in the 50’s. This means I have to go through my closet, put away my tank tops and most of my t-shirts, and take my warmer clothes out. Especially since I’m traveling to Connecticut in less than 3 weeks; I’ll definitely need warm clothes for that. I’ve gained weight, so I hope some of my winter clothes still fit.

I like the winter weather here in Arizona, but I do miss the snow that you get back east. During the Phoenix, AZ summer, there’s almost nothing you can do. I can’t even walk my dog until 9pm because his feet would burn on the sidewalk. I’m not a fan of the hot weather, I don’t think most people like it. But this is the best time to be in Arizona. You can do just about anything you want to, indoors or outdoors.

I know that the time changed recently for everyone else (Arizona doesn’t change times because we already get enough sun). It’s confusing, but you get used to it. I hope that I take advantage of the weather and do more outdoor activities than I normally do. I could do things as simple as grilling outdoors, or walking the dog more often. We’ll see what happens.

I Hate Stigma, It’s Everywhere

I hate stigma. It makes me feel as if I’m nothing or dangerous. I’ll explain. My husband and I record a lot of TV shows. For one of the TV shows, we hadn’t yet watched any of the episodes, so some days we watch multiple episodes back to back. It’s this show that started last year, Secrets and Lies (heads up, spoiler alerts). I was all good with it, until close to the end of the first season. They find psychiatric medications in the woman’s house, Risperdone and Lithium. Then the guy that found the meds looks them up and of course it shows only the negative information about bipolar disorder. It shows information about psychosis and how individuals can go into violent rages when their meds are not level or when they’re off medication.

Maybe there are some people who do go into violent rages when struggling with medication, but that’s not how it goes for everyone. Every person is different and I don’t like it when TV or movies show individuals with bipolar with the most extreme effects. There are probably a lot of people out there that don’t realize that they are only showing the most extreme circumstances. There are people out there that know nothing about bipolar disorder until they see it shown on TV and in movies. It’s stuff like this that gives bipolar disorder and other mental health disorders a bad name.

I looked up the word stigma to see what it says and I found that it says, ‘a mark of disgrace associated with a particular circumstance, quality, or person.’ When bipolar disorder is shown on TV or in movies, it is usually shown in a disgraceful manner. I wonder if this will ever change.

Somewhere In The Middle?

Individuals with bipolar disorder can have either manic, depressed, or mixed episodes. I’m used to those; I’ve had each of those episodes many times. Right now, I feel like I’m somewhere in the middle of everything. I think I’m closer to depression at this time. My usual depressions include an inability to complete tasks such as cooking and cleaning, I sleep a lot, and I also fail to have good hygiene. I’m still having the suicidal ideations that go along with the depression and the lack of desire for almost anything, but none of the symptoms that I just listed. I’m not happy, but am I depressed? I know I don’t feel good, but I do feel better today than the last few days. Maybe it’s just going to pass by.

So where does that put me? I don’t think it’s a mixed episode, I’ve had plenty of those and none of them were like this. Maybe this is just me trying to get out of the depression I’ve been struggling in for about six months. I suppose I’ll find out on Wednesday when I go to see my psychiatrist.

Bipolar and Creativity

There is a possible link between bipolar disorder and creativity. There are many famous people who struggle with bipolar disorder such as Vincent Van Gogh, Ernest Hemingway, Friedrich Nietzsche, Kurt Cobain, Russell Brand, Marilyn Monroe, Robin Williams, and many more people. There is a huge list of creative individuals that struggle with bipolar disorder. Creativity comes in many forms, from musicians, actors, artists, writers, and scientists. Not everyone who is creative has bipolar disorder and not all of those with bipolar disorder are creative. I wonder if there’s a link between creativity and other mental health disorders, or is it just with bipolar disorder?

I’ve never really thought of myself as creative, but I have been told I’m creative by other people. I’ve played many instruments growing up, the saxophone, clarinet, piano, and more. The one that stuck is the piano, which I love to play. I supposed I could consider myself a writer; I do blog almost every day. Maybe I am more creative than I think I am.

My Side of the Pole

Bipolar – Mental Health

Author: My Side of the Pole