Author: My Side of the Pole

I'm a 32 year old married woman who has been dealing with Bipolar disorder since the age of 14. This is all about my life, diagnoses, and treatments. If you have any questions, just ask me. I hope that others with Bipolar Disorder or PTSD can relate to my blog and find it helpful.

Today’s ECT

Today’s ECT

My ECT treatment went very well today. I have some memory loss, but that’s normal. I don’t remember anything about today from before the treatment. I woke up very confused and with a major headache (that happens sometimes), but other than that, I’m okay. It was nice having my mother-in-law there. She was extremely helpful and supportive. I’m still doing the treatments twice a week, I don’t know how long that will last.

I think that my sleep has been improving since I restarted ECT. Before I restarted ECT, I would fall asleep and only stay asleep anywhere from 20 minutes to 1 hour. Then I would be awake and stay awake for hours. Only occasionally would I be able to fall back asleep, so I wasn’t getting much sleep at all. Now, I’m able to fall asleep within 1 hour and luckily, I can stay asleep for most of the night. My psychiatrist says that it is a huge progress.

My Next ECT Treatment

My Next ECT Treatment

Just to update you from yesterday’s difficulty getting my prescription filled, I did finally get the script. It took about 4 more phone calls. It’s ridiculous that I even have to call them at all. Hopefully they will figure it out for the next time.

Today I have another ECT treatment, my appointment is in two hours. Since my husband is working, I asked my mother-in-law if she could bring me. I don’t like asking others for help, but sometimes  you have to. When I asked her, she responded happily, she said, “Of course, that’s what family is for.” I felt a huge relief when she said that. She really does make me feel comfortable and feel like family. I hate asking for help, but I did it and it all worked out. I’m hoping that I will one day learn that asking for help is not a bad thing.

Everyone from my family lives far away (I’m the one that moved away). Most of them live in Connecticut and Massachusetts. So living in Arizona can be lonely. I’m very lucky to have my husband’s family who all live close to us. They have taken me in as their own family. My mother-in-law bringing me to my appointment is another example of how they treat me like their own.

Problems Filling A Prescription

Problems Filling A Prescription

This is the third time in a row that I’m having problems getting my Clozapine prescription filled. The lab automatically faxes my blood test results to the pharmacy, but for some reason, the pharmacy cannot find them. Yesterday, the pharmacy told me they didn’t have the results without even knowing my name. Then I told them my name and said that the test results normally go straight into my file. Less than a minute later I was told again that they don’t have the test results.

I called the lab and left a message for them asking them to resend my blood work to the pharmacy. Today, I will call the lab again just to make sure they got my message, and then I will call the pharmacy again. If I’m still having difficulties, then I will just show up at the pharmacy and ask to speak to the pharmacist. I really wish it wasn’t this difficult getting my Clozapine script filled.

A Full Night’s Sleep

A Full Night’s Sleep

For the past two nights, I’ve finally been sleeping and staying in bed all night long. For the past month or so, I would wake up after being asleep for only an hour or so. Then, I would come out on the couch and attempt to sleep. Sometimes it would work and sometimes it wouldn’t. But the last two nights I finally got a full night’s sleep. I think it’s even helping me feel better during the day.

I’m still having weird dreams. I remember them when I wake up, but then I forget them after a few minutes, just like I forget everything else. I wish my memory would start improving soon. I feel uncomfortable around people because I’m afraid I’m going to ask them the same thing multiple times. I don’t want to bother people. I’m just doing the best that I can.

Dealing With Memory Loss

Dealing With Memory Loss

I’ve been back at ECT for almost two weeks now, and it’s already messing with my memory. It’s so frustrating for and it appears to be frustrating for those around me. I do my best to remember what’s happening in my day to day life, but it doesn’t seem to matter how hard I try. I feel like it’s going to upset others in my life. I can only do my best, I just hope that my best is enough. Hopefully, the two new medications I started (which are for Alzheimer’s) will start working soon.

Feeling Sad In The Rain

Feeling Sad In The Rain

It doesn’t rain much in Phoenix. When it does rain, it’s weird. For example, it can rain on one side of the street but not on the other side. I tend to feel a little more depressed than normal when it rains. I think that may be part of Seasonal Affective Disorder. Since it doesn’t snow in Phoenix, rain is the closest we get to winter storms.

From mid-June until the end of September, Phoenix has what it calls monsoon season. That’s when we get about half of our yearly rainfall. It still rains outside of those dates, just not as much. It has been raining/sprinkling a lot this past week. I don’t like to go out in the rain, neither does my dog. So I stay in, even more than normal, which just adds to the depression. To get Cash to go outside, I have to put a jacket and boots on him. He hates getting wet. I have to force myself to get up and get out of the house. It’s not easy, but I know it’s not healthy to stay in all day every day.

Two New Meds

Two New Meds

Today, I start two new medications. They are Donepezil (Aricept) and Memantine (Namenda). Both of these medications are meant to treat the memory loss that goes along with Alzheimer’s and dementia. I’m taking it because of the severe memory loss that I experienced the last time I did ECT. I’ve only been doing ECT again for the past two weeks, and I’m already experiencing some memory loss and cognitive changes. I’m trying to stay positive about starting these two new medications. I’m hopeful that they will help with the memory problems.

I’m not a fan of adding new medications to my already huge list of meds. However, if the new medications can help fix a difficult side effect of the ECT treatments,  then I am 100% willing to try them out. I’ll try the meds for a couple of months, and if they don’t help out, then I will stop them.

Cash Is Fully Recovered

Cash Is Fully Recovered

Cash got his stitches out yesterday. I had the vet look at the incision on his chest because it’s still oozing, but they said it’s fine. He doesn’t need to be bandaged anymore. It’s such a relief that Cash is healthy again. That was a very long couple of weeks. Now, he’s curled up in a ball on his bed, he’s happy and sleeping (I can hear him snoring, he’s so loud).

My computer stopped working properly a couple of days ago. I brought it into the computer repair store earlier today. They said they will have it fixed by Monday. It has some sort of Windows/memory problem. I did my best to fix it on my own, but there was no way for me to do it.

Medication For Memory Loss

Medication For Memory Loss

I’ve only had two ECT treatments so far and my memory is already getting worse. I’m already forgetting where I put things, what movies I’ve seen, and other normal day-to-day things. Last night, I made a to-do list for all of the things I have to do today; however, I’m looking at my list and I don’t know what everything means. I wrote Cigna on my list, but I have no clue what I’m supposed to do with that. Neither me or my husband is insured by Cigna. I’m hoping that eventually it will come to me.

My psychiatrist started me on medication for Alzheimer’s. He prescribed two medications. One is Donepezil, which I will start tonight. The other prescription is not ready yet. I’m hoping that these new meds will help with my memory loss.

Not Celebrating Valentine’s Day

Not Celebrating Valentine’s Day

I’m not a big fan of Valentine’s Day. My husband and I don’t really celebrate it. We will probably say “Happy Valentine’s day and I love you” but that’s all. No gifts. I don’t think there needs to be a designated day where we tell people we love them. My husband and I tell each other, “I love you” every day, which I’m very grateful for.

We are going to my mother-in-law’s house for a family get-together this afternoon. My step-daughter and  my husband’s aunt both have birthdays today. I can’t wait to see my granddaughter. She’s walking now!