Psychosis

Psychosis

Psychosis is the mental state where a person’s thoughts and/or emotions are so impaired that they lose track with reality. The first time I was told that I was in a state of psychosis, I was offended. This was over 15 years ago. I just didn’t understand at that time what a psychotic state really meant. I have been in a state of psychosis for a while now. It’s all because of my hallucinations. I have auditory hallucinations fairly frequently. I hear things that aren’t really there. Usually, the things I hear are doors opening and closing, a person’s footsteps, knocking, whispering, or gunshots.

I know that most of the things I hear really aren’t there. If the dog doesn’t react to what I think I hear, then I can be pretty sure it’s not real. If it was real, the dog would bark in response. Hallucinations are a lot to handle. The sad thing is that after dealing with them for a while, you get used to it in a way. I still freak out every time I think I hear something, but I calm down much quicker.

My hallucinations are generally related to experiences from my past. Most of them are from the time period when I got my first apartment a couple of towns away from where I grew up. I lived there with an abusive boyfriend for over a year. This is when I was using a lot of drugs. I got myself into a lot of problems, and now I continue to pay for it. With all of the memory loss that I’ve had, I don’t know why I can’t forget these memories.

Still Holding On: Getting Things Done

Still Holding On: Getting Things Done

I’m still trying to hold on for dear life. My psychiatrist will be back from vacation next week, so I really just need to make it through this weekend. I can do that. I have a lot on my mind, maybe it will distract me from my own depression. I’m doing the best I can not to let my weight gain get the best of  me. I’m still working out, I just finished a 50 minute Zumba video. I’m also doing the best I can with my food, but it can be hard when your meds cause you to be uncontrollably hungry.

I made a plan for myself so I can get through not only this next week, but this next month.

  1. Continue to work out at least 5 times a week.
  2. Stay in contact with friends and family.
  3. Plan and cook healthy meals.
  4. Find all of the shirts and skirts that fit me and put everything else away for now. (It really sucks trying to fit into clothes that are too small every day.)
  5. Contact my psychiatrist next week and begin with his suggestions.

I can do this. Even if I’m doing it while crying, I’m still doing it. The other day, someone asked me how do I do things when I’m so overwhelmed and depressed. The only answer I could think of, was that I just do it. I just do whatever it is that needs to get done. That’s not really a good answer, but I guess I don’t know how I do some of the things I do. I think I stuff my emotions in the moment and then let them all burst later, when I’m at home. It may not be the healthiest way to get things done, but it’s what I know how to do right now.

Tips for Medication Management

Tips for Medication Management

 

Medications are one of the more difficult things to manage that comes along with a bipolar diagnosis. The medications work together to help decrease the symptoms caused by bipolar disorder. Every person takes a different combination of medications to treat their individual symptoms and needs. I have been on multiple medications since my diagnosis, just like most individuals diagnosed with bipolar disorder.

I take a combination of anti-depressants, anti-psychotics, and anti-anxiety medications. My medications need to be taken three times a day, and it’s important to take them regularly. Some of the medications I take treat side effects caused by my bipolar medication, and some of my meds treat separate physical conditions. It’s a lot of medication to take and keep organized. It’s important to take the right medication at the right time. It’s also important to make sure I don’t run out of any of my medications.

Keeping our psychiatric medications organized is a difficult job to handle, but it is a vital task. Medications can do a lot to treat bipolar disorder, as well as other psychiatric disorders, as long as they are taken on a regular basis. Each medication has its own specific instructions that need to be followed. Keeping track of everything is not easy, but our psychiatrists prescribe these medications to us with detailed instructions for a good reason. I never make any changes to my medications without first clearing it with my psychiatrist.

At times, I have been unable to manage all of my medications properly, even when using a weekly pill organizer. In the past, I have used a free online service called MyMedSchedule.com. This website has helped me to keep track of all my medications, how often I taken each medication, it sends me reminders to take my meds, and it sends me reminders to refill my meds. I can also print off a list of my medications that is wallet size so I have it with me in case I ever need it; when my doctors asks me what medications I’m on, all I have to do is pull out my list and hand it to them. Hopefully, this website can help some people organize and manage their medications with greater ease.

Keeping track of side effects is also important to medication management. It is critical to report all side effects to your psychiatrist so he/she can properly treat them. Some side effects, such as nausea or drowsiness, can be easily treated.

The following suggestions helpful for people who take multiple medications:

  1. Use a pill organizer: I fill mine up weekly to make sure that I take my morning and evening medications.
  2. Count your meds: Every week, when I fill up my pill organizer, I count the pills I have left. I put the bottles away as long as I have at least one full week worth of medication left in the bottle after filling up the pill organizer.
  3. Refill meds as needed: If I have less than one full week in the pill bottle, then I leave it on the counter so I remember to refill that prescription that week. I have never run out of medication using this method.
  4. Use alarms: I also set an alarm on my phone, which goes off every afternoon, to remind me to take my afternoon medication.
  5. Keeping some meds on me at all times: Some of my medications only need to be taken “as needed”, such as anti-anxiety medication and those that treat specific side effects. I keep these medications in my purse so I have them with me at all times.
  6. Use the free online services: The website mymedschedule.com can be used to keep track of all your medications, when to take your meds, and when to refill them.
  7. Talk to your psychiatrist and pharmacist: You can ask your psychiatrist about side effects, but your pharmacist will generally know more about all medication side effects and medication interactions.
  8. Don’t change your meds on your own: Despite side effects, it’s still essential not to make changes to your medications without first speaking with your psychiatrist about it.

Medications must be taken as prescribed in order for them to work to the best of their ability. This means that it is necessary to keep track of when to take meds and when to refill meds. Keeping track of side effects also helps to treat any medical issues that arise. Communicating with your psychiatrist is very important for medication management, which helps to ensure the best outcome.

 

Custom Bracelet

Custom Bracelet

In my most recent article on the International Bipolar Foundation blog, I wrote about a bracelet that was made for me, which is a symbol of hope for me. You can find the article here. Some people have been asking where they could get a similar bracelet.

To get a similar custom made bracelet, use the following link: Custom Bracelet

Use the code HOPE15 for 15% off a purchase of $25 or more.

The Entertainer Blogger Award Nomination

The Entertainer Blogger Award Nomination

I was nominated for The Entertainer Blogger Award by I Am My Own Island. I’m honored and very thankful. Please check out this person’s blog using the link I provided.

The Entertainer Blogger Award Rules are:

  • Write a post with the award picture.
  • Nominate 12 other bloggers who are funny, inspiring, and, most important of all, ENTERTAINING!
  • Thank the person who nominated you and leave a link to their blog!
  • Also, answer the 5 questions.

The questions are:

  1. Why did you start a blog in the first place? My aunt suggested to me that I start blogging. She thought it would be a good way for me to express myself and connect with others. It took me a while to try it, but once I did, I was hooked. I never expected it to have this much of an impact on my life. I’m so grateful that my aunt gave me this suggestion.
  1. What is your favorite book? I love the book “A Light In The Attic” by Shel Silverstein from when I was a kid.  It’s a book of children’s poems.
  1. What do you dislike the most? I really dislike stigmas; when people make assumptions based on anyone’s mental health or status instead of getting to know every person for the individual that they are.
  1. What is your favorite food item from the mall? I love Chipotle, I usually get the burrito bowl, it’s so amazing.
  1. What is your favorite pastime activity? When I was growing up, I loved riding horses. I still do, but I don’t get to do so often, if at all. I also love to workout, whether it’s at the gym or doing Zumba videos at home.

I nominate the following 12 bloggers who I enjoy following:

  1. Decoding Bipolar
  2. My Bipolar Life
  3. Beauty and Bones
  4. The Manic Years
  5. Tony Vega dot Net
  6. Bipolar is NOT who I am
  7. Musings of a Mad Woman
  8. Bipolar Life – Learning To Be Bipolar
  9. The Bipolar Architect
  10. Wallflower or Butterfly
  11. Too Polar
  12. Bipolar Strength: Rebel With A Cause

 

Help with Weight Gain

Help with Weight Gain

I slept horribly last night. I woke up 3 times in the middle of the night. I think the trouble I’m having sleeping is related to the sadness and difficulties I’m having with my weight. My weight gain causes my depression to get works. Of course, when I’m sad and depressed, I tend to eat more. It’s a vicious cycle.

I hate wearing jeans. I only have a couple of pairs left that even fit me. It was suggested to me to try wearing skirts or dresses. It was a great suggestion. I have a lot of skirts that fit me very well, and they are extremely comfortable. I may need some new shirts, but at least I have some clothes to wear that I am comfortable in. I wish I had thought of this sooner. I think that since I will be comfortable in the clothes I’m wearing, it will help with the depression and crying.

I’m looking forward to the day next week that I can contact my psychiatrist again for help with my weight gain. He said that there are several measures he could take to help me. I eager to find out what they are and see if any of them will work.

Holding On For Dear Life

Holding On For Dear Life

Right now, I am holding on with all I’ve got. The Clozapine has caused a huge weight gain. I’ve gained more than 30 pounds in 3 months. It doesn’t matter how much I workout or what I eat, I just keep gaining weight. I know I made a committment to keep trying Clozapine until I reach my goal dose of 400 mg. I still have another month of dosage increases until I get to my goal. When I say I’m going to do something, I mean it. I want to hold myself to my committment. However, it’s easier said than done.

I told my psychiatrist about the weight gain. He told me that there are some measures we can take. However, he is on vacation, so I have to wait until next week.  So I know that there is something that could possibly help with my weight gain, but I have to wait another week. I understand that everyone is entitled to go on vacation, but waiting even another day is extremely hard, a week is close to impossible. But somehow, someway, I will do it.

The problem with going off of Clozapine, is that there aren’t many other options for me. I’ve already tried ECT for over a year. I don’t want to do IV Ketamine because the thought of dissociation is terrifying for me. I’ve taken so many medications, there aren’t many options left. I keep questioning my future since my treatment options are getting fewer and fewer. This is when I really rely on my friends and family. So far, I have been shown nothing but love and support. I can do this; I can get through this. That’s what I need to keep telling myself.

Happy 4th of July

Happy 4th of July

Happy 4th of July to everyone. This is a holiday where people like to get together with friends and family. People throw parties, grill, watch fireworks, and enjoy the company of others. However, that is difficult for me. I don’t do well at parties with lots of other people. When my husband asks me what I want to do today, I don’t always know what to say. I would rather stay home tonight and make sure the dog doesn’t freak out with the fireworks that will be going off. I’m using my dog as an excuse so I can stay home where I’m comfortable.

Sometimes I feel like I’m dragging people down because I don’t want to go out to family/friend parties, even though people tell me that it’s not a problem. I do push myself to do things that I’m uncomfortable with often. However, a 4th of July party is not something I can push myself to do. Maybe next year.

The past few days have been rough and I don’t know why. Nothing has changed that I can think of. I’m extremely tired and been having a big problem getting started each day for the past several days. Life is just overwhelming at this time, but I know it will pass eventually. I just have to hold on until these difficult times pass.

I Can’t Get Started

I Can’t Get Started

The past few days, I’ve been having a very hard time getting my day started. My muscles and joints feel like they’re too tired to move. This starts from the moment I wake up until the moment I fall asleep. I have no clue how to fix this. I did decide that I would try taking a day off of working out, which means no Zumba or gym workout today. I’ve spent a good amount of time today stretching my muscles, hoping that it would help, but there’s been no change so far.

I am so tired today that I actually took a nap for about 45 minutes. I slept fine last night, but for some reason, I couldn’t keep my eyes open. So far, today has not been at all productive. After I finish writing this, I am going to start cleaning my house. A clean house always makes me feel better; maybe it will help me.

I usually write when I wake up in the morning, but I haven’t had it in me to do that. I think I need to push myself to stick to my routine. When I wake up I should feed the dog, check my email, write about what’s on my mind, and then start any tasks written on my to-do list. I will try that again starting tomorrow.

 

Learning To Say No

Learning To Say No

I struggle when it comes to saying no to just about anyone. If someone asks me to do something for them or help them with something, I almost always say yes, even if it’s overwhelming for me. I suppose that saying no is more anxiety provoking for me than whatever it is I’m asked to do. This is something I’ve been working on with my therapist. He keeps trying to get me to say no to something, even something small; however, I hadn’t followed through on this until yesterday.

A family member wrote a script and is filming it soon. He has all of the parts filled except for one, the part of a mother, and he asked me if I would play that role. This would be too much for me to do, even if the role wasn’t a mother. Trying to play a mother role would be way too hard for me to do since I cannot have children. I don’t need another reminder that I’m not a mom. I started to cry, so I turned the water on and did the dishes so my husband wouldn’t hear me. I guess I wasn’t up for talking about it at that time.

I told this person that I’m honored he would think of me for this; however, it would be too much for me to handle. I thanked him for thinking of me. I hope all goes well, but I will not be able to participate. I was as polite as possible, but I still feel like I’m letting him down by saying no to his request. He was a bit sad that I turned him down, but I’m sure he’ll be able to find someone to fill the part. At least I took care of myself and did what I needed to do for my comfort level. All I’m doing now is wondering if he is mad at me or not.

I’m actually looking forward to my next therapy appointment so I can tell him that I finally said no to something. I wonder if it’s something I can do again? Now that I said no to someone once, will it become easier to do in the future?