New Medication

New Medication

Today, I started another new medication, Metformin. My psychiatrist prescribed it to help with weight loss since the Inositol wasn’t helping. The new medication, Metformin, is actually a diabetes medication, and I don’t have diabetes. I’m taking 500 mg twice a day with food. I still have to do more research on this medication because I know nothing about it. I was told it should help me lose weight in about two weeks. I’m really hoping that this helps me lose some weight. If this works, then that would mean less medication changes. If it doesn’t work, well, I don’t really want to think about that. I’m trying to stay positive.

Help with Weight Gain

Help with Weight Gain

I slept horribly last night. I woke up 3 times in the middle of the night. I think the trouble I’m having sleeping is related to the sadness and difficulties I’m having with my weight. My weight gain causes my depression to get works. Of course, when I’m sad and depressed, I tend to eat more. It’s a vicious cycle.

I hate wearing jeans. I only have a couple of pairs left that even fit me. It was suggested to me to try wearing skirts or dresses. It was a great suggestion. I have a lot of skirts that fit me very well, and they are extremely comfortable. I may need some new shirts, but at least I have some clothes to wear that I am comfortable in. I wish I had thought of this sooner. I think that since I will be comfortable in the clothes I’m wearing, it will help with the depression and crying.

I’m looking forward to the day next week that I can contact my psychiatrist again for help with my weight gain. He said that there are several measures he could take to help me. I eager to find out what they are and see if any of them will work.

Holding On For Dear Life

Holding On For Dear Life

Right now, I am holding on with all I’ve got. The Clozapine has caused a huge weight gain. I’ve gained more than 30 pounds in 3 months. It doesn’t matter how much I workout or what I eat, I just keep gaining weight. I know I made a committment to keep trying Clozapine until I reach my goal dose of 400 mg. I still have another month of dosage increases until I get to my goal. When I say I’m going to do something, I mean it. I want to hold myself to my committment. However, it’s easier said than done.

I told my psychiatrist about the weight gain. He told me that there are some measures we can take. However, he is on vacation, so I have to wait until next week.  So I know that there is something that could possibly help with my weight gain, but I have to wait another week. I understand that everyone is entitled to go on vacation, but waiting even another day is extremely hard, a week is close to impossible. But somehow, someway, I will do it.

The problem with going off of Clozapine, is that there aren’t many other options for me. I’ve already tried ECT for over a year. I don’t want to do IV Ketamine because the thought of dissociation is terrifying for me. I’ve taken so many medications, there aren’t many options left. I keep questioning my future since my treatment options are getting fewer and fewer. This is when I really rely on my friends and family. So far, I have been shown nothing but love and support. I can do this; I can get through this. That’s what I need to keep telling myself.

Working Out

Working Out

I’ve been working out on a regular basis. I either do Zumba at home or I workout at the gym with my husband. Sometimes, like yesterday, I do both. It feels good to be able to push myself through these workouts; however, it would be nice if I was able to lose some weight. It doesn’t matter how much I workout or what I eat, my weight either stays the same or I gain weight. It’s extremely frustrating. I was going to give up, but my husbad reminded me that working out is not just about losing weight. It’s also about being healthy.

I know that the Clozapine is a big factor in the weight gain. It’s also what is making it almost impossible for me to lose weight. I really want to go off of if because of that; however, I made a committment to increase my dose until I get to 400mg. I want to keep my committment, but I also need to stay healthy. It’s very possible that once I stop increasing my dose, my body will get used to the Clozapine and the side effect of weight gain could go away.

I really want to try to wait this out. I want to have hope that the weight gain will stop. I want to hope that my working out will help me lose weight. Right now, I’m just trying to stay hopeful, which is extremely difficult.

Clozapine Increase

Last night was the first night of my Clozapine dosage increase. I only went up by 25mg. I knew I was going to be doing this increase for almost two weeks; it’s about time I was finally able to start it. My psychiatrist told me to keep an eye out for fevers, dizziness, or other similar symptoms. Hopefully that won’t happen this time.

As I was looking at the side effects for Clozapine and weight gain was one of the bigger ones. Maybe that explains why I’ve gained and keep gaining weight. I keep trying to lose weight, but it’s not working. The Clozapine is working against me. I hate meds that cause weight gain, it’s not fair. Not like much of anything is fair, but sometimes it feels as if I have to choose between the ability to control my weight and the possibility of being stable.

I think that the Clozapine has been working for me. I want to give it a real try before giving up on it. I will follow through with the next two months of increase until I’m finally able to double my dose. The question is, how am I going to be able to control my weight? At least my husband is helpful and supportive. I’ve gained and lost weight many times in my life. I can do it again this time. I just don’t want to keep gaining weight right now. I’m ready to lose the weight.

Doing Things For Ourselves

Doing Things For Ourselves

Today is going a bit better. I feel okay so far. I’ve been able to get some things done. Now, I’m about to get ready to go to the gym with my husband. I’m anxious, but at least I go. It’s better than not going. I’ve decided to go to Cape Cod, so I should probably try to lose a bit of weight. Now, I have a reason, a goal to lose weight for. Of course, I would want to look as good as possible in a bathing suit. It’s not for anyone else, it’s just for myself. I’ve learned over the years that the things we do are for ourselves, not for others. Doing the best we can is to please ourselves. I’m so proud of my niece, she’s 13 years old, she has learned that at such a young age when it took me so long to figure it out. She is a figure skater, and competes. She says that she competes against herself, not against the other people there. It’s such a great attitude and way to look at things.

There are many things on want to work on for myself besides my weight. I want to become more comfortable in public places. It would be nice if I could go to the gym on my own without my husband. Right now, it’s too anxiety provoking for me to go on my own. I still have anxiety when I’m there with my husband, but it has been getting better each time. Maybe, one day I could go on my own. Maybe I could go with him but not need him to be with me every second. Those are my goals for myself for now.

My Weight Gain Is Out Of Control

My Weight Gain Is Out Of Control

I have been gaining weight over the last six months. It has become especially bad in just the last few months. I’ve gained about a total of 40 pounds. It doesn’t seem to matter what I do, I just keep gaining weight. I’m doing my best to control it, but I seem to be wildly hungry almost all of the time. There are even times that I’m full, but I still want to eat for some reason. I also tend to have difficulties sleeping. I’m hungry every time I wake up, which happens at least two times a night, sometimes as often as four times a night. I have a feeling that it is a medication issue, but I have to be very careful about my medication changes.

I’m working out with my husband at the gym. I’m also buying healthier foods to keep in the house. That way even if I do snack more often than I should, at least I’m eating healthier. Over the years, I have had several periods where I gained a large amount of weight. The weight gain is always difficult to handle, but every time I eventually lose the weight and get back to my normal size. I know that I will be able to lose the weight eventually, but it’s hard to live with the weight gain. Luckily, I’m blessed with a husband that doesn’t care about my size. He supports me no matter what; he is always willing to help me once I’m ready to get back in shape. Working out together is a fun activity for the two of us. It’s something we used to do together five days a week before we even started dating.

I wish I didn’t have to go up and down with my weight to such extremes. I know that it is part of the bipolar disorder and the medications that go along with it, but it’s very difficult to deal with. Depression can increase the weight gain, and the weight gain can worsen the depression. It’s a vicious cycle. I’m looking forward to the end of this brutal period. I know I can lose the weight and feel better about myself again, I just don’t know how long it will be until that happens.