I have no clue why, but for some reason, I woke up at 4am this morning. It was hours earlier than I planned on waking up. And when I woke up, I was wide awake. There was no going back to sleep for me. So I decided to get some stuff done. I might as well be productive since I have such a busy day ahead of me. I started by doing some laundry, then I cleaned the kitchen, and then one of the bathrooms. I’m trying hard no to make any noise so I don’t wake my husband. He was awake at 4am when I woke up, but unlike me, he was able to go back to sleep.
I’m glad I’m getting stuff done early, it will make the rest of my day a lot easier. I’ve actually completed half of the cleaning! I’m going to bring my dog to the groomers very shortly, that way he doesn’t smell bad while my mom is here. I do admit I’m a little frustrated that while I’m trying to clean, my husband is having his brother over to play video games. Somehow, I’m just going to make it clear that they have to pick up after themselves. Hopefully it works out.
Once all that is done, I’m excited for my mom to come visit. My mom is one of my best friends, she’s the best, and I don’t have enough time to spend with her. So I get her for 8 days, which is amazing! Just so you know, I do clean this intensely on a regular basis. I generally clean the whole house once a week.
I got a lot of stuff done today, especially since I started my day out with another ECT treatment. I tried to rest after my ECT, but it didn’t work at all. I just laid in bed for about 30 minutes without the ability to fall asleep; it was extremely frustrating. I also went grocery shopping and worked on my taxes. And soon, I’m about to start cooking dinner; beef and bacon smoked sausage with sun-dried tomatoes and mushrooms. Tomorrow is going to be an even busier day; my dog goes to the vet for a bath, then I have an appointment with my therapist, I need to get my regular blood work done, I need to clean my house, and then my mom comes to visit for a week (yay!!!) I have no clue when I’m going to find time to clean the house and get everything done, but somehow I will make it work.
I also bought tickets to a Coyotes (hockey) game for next Monday. The seats are 4th row almost center ice for only $60 a piece. My husband and I could pass up the deal. This is going to be only my 2nd time with seats this good.
While my mom is visiting, we have lots to do. Everyone (meaning my in-laws) all want to visit with my mom, so I’ve scheduled for us to go out to a few different meals. I understand why my in-laws want to spend time with my mom, and of course I want them to all spend time together; however, I don’t really want to share any of the time that I have with her. I am sharing our time together, but I’m quite a bit jealous.
I woke up extra early today for some reason, hours earlier than I planned on waking up. Of course, it happened on a day that I can’t eat or drink anything because I’m having ECT done later this morning. I’m always thirsty in the mornings when I can’t drink. Oh well, I’ll just have to deal with it for a few hours.
I can’t do much of anything today since I can’t drive due to the anesthesia. However, tomorrow is going to be an extremely busy day. Tomorrow, I’m supposed to clean the house, bring the dog in for a bath, go to a therapy appointment, go to the bank, get my blood work done, and pick my mom up from the airport. Maybe I’ll start a little early and I’ll begin cleaning the house today. I bet that would make things easier (especially since my husband is having someone over tomorrow to play video games and they say I get in the way when I’m vacuuming.)
Last week, after my last ECT, I came home and tried to sleep I couldn’t. That’s actually happened to me twice now. Maybe if I don’t try to go to bed after today’s treatment, then perhaps I’ll fall asleep on the couch when I’m not trying to. We will just have to wait and see.
I don’t have a lot to do today. My to-do list is very short, just a couple of activities and that’s all. I don’t like having a short to-do list, it makes me feel lazy. Maybe I should clean the house as well. Maybe I could do a Zumba workout. Both of those things sound good to me and would take about 5 hours to complete. It would also make my to-do list a lot longer. When I clean, I write each individual task on my list. It makes me feel more productive.
I could also work on choosing a new Medicare plan, but that is every confusing. I probably need help with that over the phone or in person, which doesn’t work well for Sundays. I will do all the research I can and write down all of my questions so I’m prepared when I talk to someone who can help me.
Yesterday, I cleaned the house. I try to do it once a week, but lately it’s been every 2 or 3 weeks, probably because of my depression. My cleaning routine starts by organizing and dusting everything, then cleaning the kitchen, then the bathrooms, then vacuuming, and finally mopping. I’ve tried to split up the tasks over a couple of days, but for some reason I feel as if it all needs to be done in one day. It takes about 4 to 5 hours to clean the whole house. Most of the problem is dog hair, which is everywhere.
I feel better when the house is clean and organized. I spend so much of my time in my house, I think it should be clean. I just wish the cleanliness would last longer. Between the dog hair and normal living, the shiny cleanliness only lasts a day or two.
My husband and I decided that we want to see our granddaughter; it’s been about a week since we’ve seen her, and so we invited his daughter and boyfriend over for dinner. This all happened last night, and the dinner is tonight. That’s a lot for me to handle. I have to clean the entire house and cook a meal. Then, my husband decided he would invite his mother over because she doesn’t get to see the baby very often. It’s a very sweet thought, but it doesn’t mean more work for him, just more for me. Then I realized I can make lasagna! I made some lasagna with my mom when she was out here last time. I don’t have to do anything, just heat it up from frozen!
Okay, so now all I need to do is clean the house, do laundry, and make garlic bread. That’s not that bad. However, cleaning the house will take a while; there’s dog hair everywhere, even though I cleaned the whole house just a couple of days ago. I also have to figure out where people can eat. There’s not enough room in our house for our dining room table, at least not the way I want it. A couple of people can eat at the counter, there are bar stools there. And then there’s the couch and the desk. I can make that work.
Why is it so stressful having people come over your house? Is it just me, or are other people like this as well? I feel like my house needs to be sparkling clean and organized if I’m having any company over. At least all I need to do is clean the house; I have more time to do it since I don’t have to cook. I don’t think I’ve ever had this many people at my house at one time, so I’m a bit anxious. I’m sure it will all work out, but I will probably worry about it all day.
My day actually got better as it went on, which is rare. I ended up doing some cleaning because I just couldn’t stand the dog hair anymore. Then I received a call from my mother-in-law asking if I wanted to come over and play some cards. I was just about to say no, when I ended up saying yes. I told her that I was struggling with some depression, but getting out of the house was probably a good idea. I wasn’t able to smile or laugh while I was over there, but I was able to get through the day without wishing I was dead the entire time. Sometimes, it’s important to push through, and that’s what I did by getting out of the house. I pushed through the pain and it actually helped.
When I got home, there were flowers on the counter. My husband went out and got me my favorite flowers, tiger lilies, and left them there for me to see when I got home. He can be so sweet and thoughtful. I made sure to tell him how much it meant that he did that for me. For a day that started out really horrible, it is actually ending all right. I pushed through the pain, and today it paid off.
My sleep has been screwed up for the past 2 weeks. Some nights I only sleep 3 – 5 hours and others its 5 – 6 hours if I’m lucky. Only 1 night did I sleep less than 2 hours. I try to nap during the day, but it never works. I seem to be getting more done at night when I’m unable to sleep than I do during the day. I like things to be organized. Anything that can be organized alphabetically, is, including my filing cabinets, all my spices, and the apps on my phone. I also organize my spices by size and brand. Maybe that’s a bit excessive, but it makes me feel good to be organized. Being productive is something that helps me feel better, which is why I keep trying to get things done. If I can’t sleep, I think it’s better to be productive than just sit on the couch watching TV or waiting for the morning to come.
The only issue is that I feel that I need to stay quiet so I don’t wake my husband. Luckily he has ear plugs that he wears, but I’m still cautious. Just because I can’t sleep doesn’t mean he shouldn’t sleep either. I haven’t cleaned my house in 6 days. So if I can’t sleep again tonight, then I know what I’ll be doing. I’ll dust every surface, clean the kitchen, clean the bathrooms, and anything else I can find to do, I’ll just do it as quietly as possible.
I start a new medication tonight, the Clozapine that I’ve been talking about, and I’m so nervous. I keep pretending I’m okay, but I’m not, I’m a wreck inside. I’m trying to think of the positives. The first thing that comes to my mind is that one side effect is drowsiness. Normally that would be a negative aspect, but since I’m not sleeping much, the drowsiness side effect could actually work in my favor. If I end up being tired and actually sleeping, I will just have to clean the house tomorrow.
My psychiatrist is fantastic. He asked me to check in with him every day to make sure that there are no problems. It’s nice to know that he will be available every day just in case I have an issue. It’s time to take my meds; I’m anxious, but I’m ready to find out how well it goes.