I had a rough day yesterday. I was stressed and my anxiety level was very high. I was able to keep myself from having a panic attack, but the anxiety attack was still pretty rough. The Valium helped. I also used some breathing techniques, just simple breathing in and out, not too fast and not too slow. The breathing helps me stay calm and focusing on it also helps me forget what I’m anxious about, even if it’s just for a minute or two.
Today seems like a better day. I have a normal amount of anxiety. I’m more frustrated than anything else, and I don’t really know why. I generally don’t know why I feel the way I do. I’m going to go get a bunch of stuff done. Being productive often makes me feel better.
Yesterday was an extremely productive day. I got everything done on my to-do list by 3pm. I even had time to do extra tasks. I probably should have given myself a break, but I felt that I should continue my productivity since I had the energy. Today is going to be a day where I get to rest a lot. I have another ECT treatment at 9:45am. I’ll probably be home by 11am and I’ll get to take a nap. Then, my husband and I meet his father for a late lunch date. I plan on getting as much rest as possible tomorrow.
I spent a good amount of time with Achilles yesterday. We cuddled on the floor, played catch inside, and went on a nice long walk at night (as always). He really seems to be settling into his new home. He’s getting used to his new schedule, he’s taking all of his medication like a champ, he’s getting healthier, and he’s getting stronger. Having Achilles around gives me a reason to get up. I feel lucky to have him as the newest part of my family.
I have no clue why, but for some reason, I woke up at 4am this morning. It was hours earlier than I planned on waking up. And when I woke up, I was wide awake. There was no going back to sleep for me. So I decided to get some stuff done. I might as well be productive since I have such a busy day ahead of me. I started by doing some laundry, then I cleaned the kitchen, and then one of the bathrooms. I’m trying hard no to make any noise so I don’t wake my husband. He was awake at 4am when I woke up, but unlike me, he was able to go back to sleep.
I’m glad I’m getting stuff done early, it will make the rest of my day a lot easier. I’ve actually completed half of the cleaning! I’m going to bring my dog to the groomers very shortly, that way he doesn’t smell bad while my mom is here. I do admit I’m a little frustrated that while I’m trying to clean, my husband is having his brother over to play video games. Somehow, I’m just going to make it clear that they have to pick up after themselves. Hopefully it works out.
Once all that is done, I’m excited for my mom to come visit. My mom is one of my best friends, she’s the best, and I don’t have enough time to spend with her. So I get her for 8 days, which is amazing! Just so you know, I do clean this intensely on a regular basis. I generally clean the whole house once a week.
I’ve been having some problems with motivation lately. It has been a struggle to get my normal household activities done. Whether it’s cleaning the house, doing laundry, cooking, or grocery shopping; I seem to have a difficult time doing any of it. I’ve been writing everything on my to do list. Having everything written down really helps me be productive. I even ordered a new journal, called a bullet journal, that will help me be even more organized. I can’t wait until it gets here!
Not only do I struggle with completing daily tasks, I also struggle with reaching out to friends and family. I even put making a phone call to someone in particular on my to do list. If I don’t write it down, then I won’t remember to do it, no matter how much I really want to talk to that person. I tend to isolate when I’m feeling down. In fact, I tend to isolate all the time, no matter how I’m feeling. When I’m by myself, no one can tell me that I’m wrong.
I still have a lot to do while I wait for my new journal to arrive. Today has been a very productive day. I’ve done everything that is written on my list (I don’t like it when I’m not able to cross everything off). I try to motivate myself by creating to do lists. It is helpful, but only to the extent that I allow. I often leave multiple things off of my to do lists because I don’t think I’ll be able to complete them and I don’t want to have something on my list that is not crossed off. I’m hoping that this new journal will help me be a little more productive. I’ll let you know how it goes when I receive it.
Yesterday was such a busy day, I didn’t get home until around 11pm. We got a lot done. My husband and I both got haircuts; it had been over a year since I got my hair cut. I kept putting it off out of fear. I was afraid to have someone standing behind me with scissors, and I couldn’t remember anywhere I had previously cut my hair. After that, we dealt with some car insurance stuff that had to get done. My husband had his tires rotated. We went shopping for some warmer clothes to wear while we are back east. We visited with my mother-in-law for a little while. We spent a couple of hours getting new phones. And finally, we spent some time at a friend’s house. Overall, it was a busy day, and I’m exhausted.
It was nice to get so much done, but it would have been easier if we spread it out a little more. Tomorrow, I have an appointment with my therapist, then a chest x-ray. Then I get to see my granddaughter at my mother-in-law’s house. I can’t wait to see her. I will only be staying a couple of hours. I need some time for me, some time to rest.
I got a lot done today. It feels like the first day in a while that I’ve been this productive. I cleaned the whole house and ran some errands. I still want to cook dinner, but I don’t know if I have it in me to do it. It feels like for every one task I get done, there are three more to add to my list and complete. Life is way too stressful right now. Maybe it’s just because of the holidays, maybe it’s just a phase, who knows anymore. I’m doing the best I can to get through each day. I would say that I did a pretty good job today. I hope to keep it up for tomorrow.
I’ve had a hard time getting things done this past week. My regular tasks seem to be more difficult that normal. Even just keeping my house organized is hard. I can’t figure out how to clean things up or where to put them. I let things slide for one day, and then it just piles up to the point where I’m overwhelmed and don’t know where to start.
A couple of days ago I was worried that I was on a downward spiral, but today I’m pretty sure that is not true. I think I’m still stuck, emotionless. Hopefully, that will be changing soon. I took my last dose of Mirapex today. I will check in with my psychiatrist next week after being off the Mirapex completely for one week.