I don’t quite understand why the days go by so quickly, but the weeks and months seem to drag on and on. I keep trying to get everything done on my daily to do lists. I keep trying, even though I’m not always successful. Blogging is one of my daily tasks that I don’t seem able to complete, but at least I’m doing it today.
I feel like I’m doing a lot better since I started the IV Ketamine. I do the treatments every other week at this point. I’m actually interested in doing all sorts of activities and I enjoy myself when doing them. I feel better about myself in general and my negative thoughts have decreased a large amount. I hope it keeps going this way, improving bit by bit.
I’m sitting at a gate in the airport. It’s not even the gate that my flight leaves out of. It was the empty gate when I got here, so I thought that it would be a good place for me to sit. I don’t like crowds, especially when people are all around me, including behind me. I was sitting for less than 5 minutes, when suddenly everyone else thought that the area I was in would be a great place to hang out. UGH!
I made it through security alright. Granted, I did forget to take my laptop out and remove my phone from my pocket. The excuse that I’m using is that I’m taking a red-eye flight and I’m simply overly tired. That’s a good excuse.
I have decided to take only some of my night meds. I don’t want to take my Clozapine because that knocks me out cold. If that happens, then if someone next to me touches me or if the fight attendants wake me up for some reason, I would wake up terrified. Plus, the Clozapine makes me drool (so annoying). And I don’t mean I drool a little bit. It’s a lot. Way too much. So I will take my night meds, minus my Clozapine, and add in a Valium. So that’s the plan. I guess I will let you all know tomorrow how this all went. I’m hoping for the best (at least I’m going into it with a positive attitude).
I have another day filled with errands and stuff to do around the house. It does make the day go faster. I’m going to keep working out. I think I might even bring my Zumba DVDs to Cape Cod with me. I am losing weight, slowly but surely. I know how easy it is to fall back into bad eating habits. I have to remind myself that I can do this. I will reach my goal eventually. I think that if I keep a positive attitude towards weight loss, I will keep losing weight.
Today, I start two new medications. They are Donepezil (Aricept) and Memantine (Namenda). Both of these medications are meant to treat the memory loss that goes along with Alzheimer’s and dementia. I’m taking it because of the severe memory loss that I experienced the last time I did ECT. I’ve only been doing ECT again for the past two weeks, and I’m already experiencing some memory loss and cognitive changes. I’m trying to stay positive about starting these two new medications. I’m hopeful that they will help with the memory problems.
I’m not a fan of adding new medications to my already huge list of meds. However, if the new medications can help fix a difficult side effect of the ECT treatments, then I am 100% willing to try them out. I’ll try the meds for a couple of months, and if they don’t help out, then I will stop them.
I restart ECT again on Monday. It’s been over six months since my last treatment. I’ve been waiting for about a month to restart ECT, and now that it’s about to happen, I’m not sure if I’m ready. At least I’ve done it before, so it’s not as nerve-racking. My anxiety is so high right now. What do I do if ECT doesn’t work? I know there are other options, but there’s not many left. I’m just nervous and scared. It will work. I’m trying to stay positive.
Apparently, ECT is twice as effective when being used with Clozapine, and even more effective when being used with Clozapine and Lithium. I’m take both Clozapine and Lithium (and many other meds), so there’s a really good chance that this will work for me. I’m trying to stay positive. It’s not easy, but I’m working at it.
They also changed how some of it goes. They now allow one person to go back with you, stay with you until you go under, and then they can wait for you in recovery. That makes it a lot easier for me. My husband already said he will be doing that for me on Monday.
We just got home from the vet and it is good news. Cash is already snuggled up in his bed. He did really good at the vet’s office. None of the lumps appear to be a problem. The vet did find a little mass on Cash’s eyelid. He said that the tiny eyelid mass was more of an issue than any of the other many lumps on his stomach and ribs. He’s going to remove all of the lumps tomorrow, including the one on his eyelid, and it’s only going to cost $195! That’s much cheaper than I was expecting. We drop Cash off tomorrow morning and then we get to pick him up later in the afternoon. I’m so happy that the vet wasn’t concerned by any of the lumps.
I woke up this morning and I thought I was feeling better. I went to a doctor’s appointment, completed blood work, and went to visit a friend. Part way through the visit with my friend, my throat and ears started to itch. I left my friend’s house and by the time I got home I was feeling like total crap. I guess I pushed it too far too fast. I just want to start feeling better. I keep saying that I’m going to feel better when I wake up, but it’s not happening. I’m not giving up yet though. I will feel 100% better tomorrow, I’m determined.
I had a really nice Christmas yesterday with my husband and his family. The molasses cookies were a hit with everyone. Everything went well at his mother’s house and at his father’s house. It was a busy day, we were gone from 10am until 6:30pm. I miss my family in Connecticut very much, but I’m lucky to have family to spend my holidays with in Arizona. I have family no matter where I am.
My stepdaughter asked if my husband and I could babysit our granddaughter overnight on New Year’s Eve. We’re both very excited. This is the first time they’ve asked us to watch her. I’ll have her on my own for a couple hours until my husband gets home from work. I’m a little nervous, but extremely excited. This gives me something to look forward to all week long. Maybe they’ll even have us babysit more often. I can’t wait!
I want to wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving! I hope you all are able to be with and/or talk to your loved ones on this special day. I leave at 2:30pm to go to our cousin’s house, where there will be a lot of people. I’ll let you know how I do when I get home. I have several coping mechanisms that I can use if my anxiety gets to be too much. I’m going in with a positive attitude.
Happy Thanksgiving to everyone!
The last couple of times I had expectations for something, I ended up being upset. I’m sick of that happening, so I decided to change my way of thinking. Now, I always prefer to have low or no expectations and be pleasantly surprised than have high expectations and be disappointed. It may not be the normal way to do things, but it works for me. I don’t expect things to go badly, I just try to go into things having no expectations for things at all, good or bad.